...im different now

i used to be naive and ignore the evil in the world around me. i used to freak out when the world hit me in the face. i used to cry at night when things didn't go the way i thought they should. i used to lust after people i thought i couldn't have.

not anymore.

if something makes me cry, i remove it from my life as quickly as possible. or if not, i push it away from me and we have to start all over on this getting-to-know-me thing... im really not sure why anyone would mark 'yes' in that box, but that's their problem i guess, not mine.

when the world hits me in the face i do one of two things. i either ignore it and move on, knowing that there's nothing i can do to change the vilenss and wrong that spawns from everything around me... or.. i hit back hard.

theres no one now who i think is out of my league... i'll go after whoever i want, and if the effort seems futile, i'll move on and get over it fast, because there was nothing there. Lust is not a relationship. you can't love some one who doesn't know you exist. just saying.

i have an incredible boyfriend. we've been dating for three or so weeks. i dont love him. i dont really even quite know him yet... he's an amazing person and i'm really enjoying getting to know him, because that's what i've been doing, getting closer to a person who seems sweeter by the second.

the poem that follows is not about him or any real person. it contains figmets of my imagination...enjoy and goodbai.

i want myself an emo boy
to have and to hold close
to embrace me like he means it
and cries harder than most

i want myself an emo love
because it seems just right
full of black and chains and eyeliner
and pierced lipped kiss goodnight

i want myself an emo life
im so cute and free and here
i dwell only in the present
of the future i live in fear

oh i want myself an emo boy
because they're cute and sharp
he borrows myjeans and hoodies
and then holds me in the dark

oh i wish i had this emo boy
because its just so real
this embrace lasts not long enough
does he notfeel the way i feel?

I Haven't Posted In Forever

And i'm sure everybody missed me immensely...jk, i know you all have something better to do than read about how screwed up i think my life is...and oh, it's gotten worse...

I broke up my friends JP and tish for a week while i dated him, becuz they'd been drifting and weren't happy...but then they realized they were miserable without eachother...so...

tish and i compromised and realized that we would probably be okay sharing him, so that's what we're doing, which i find extremely weird that i'm even in this situation, as i've never even been in a relationship before...

So...it's sort of like i got my wish...as im sort of dating both of them...lolz...trippy shit...which makes it an open relationship...so... *hint hint*

Hey people who do comment on my stuff...chill with the massive amounts of emticons as they slow down my computer so i cant even look at them anyway?? what if i ask pretty please...

holy crap this is LONG...ima stop now...

for the love of gawd, don't trip falling off the bus...

Annoyance

Chances are that if I know you I think you're annoying but I lurve you anyway.

xoxo hugs and kisses on the spot...

Gawd...I need a BF...or mayB even a GF. I just need someone to talk to, who will fawn over me, who I can kiss in the hallways...mmm I envy my friends JP and Tish. I want what they have SOOOO much...and I'd i'd date either of them in less than a heartbeat.

...I need a nap...don't trip falling off the bus...

Hello All

Yawn...once again I need a nap...u'd think i'd learn to sleep more but NO...I just don't listen.

The asparagus is my friend!!! I lurve STILL STANDING...the most bestest and funniest show ever. I could watch it everday, constantly. Hah!

I Luv five day weekends. My skool was closed thursday and friday acuz it was SO cold here and its closed today (monday) for Martin Luther King Jr. day...I made my cousin fall off the snomobile. HI-larious. Seriously.

Ima go...don't trip falling off the bus...

Just Sommat Differnt 2 Do

im so, so, so bored. i've nuffin' to do and not much to say but I can tell u this I had a bad day. mah friend CD came back to skool today after skipping almost a week and everbody was paying attention to her instead of me.

ok...maybe they shoulda but stil...instead of me??? y couldn't ita been instead of some1 else??? UGH.

I need a nap...buh-bye!!! gawd, I sound so happy sore sumpin' scary...

Hullo?

What no comments???

Is anybody even outthere???

Prolly not, i'm usually the last to find out that a site is lame, though i'm the person who comes to the site the least.

I love roiworld games...not that has anything to do with anything except for the site.

whatevs...not like i've anything better 2 do...

I suppose i should probably tell you about some stuff about me...um...i either have blonde hair or brown hair or dark red hair, it depends on the light and what your perception is. My eyes are either light brown, yellow, green, or hazel...once again it depends on the light or what your perception is. I'm pretty cute if the four guys that like me are any indication... I'm actually barely 15, but the site thinks i'm sixteen. I'm five feet four inches tall...um...i don't know what else to write there.

I'm almost always tired or loud or bouncing around... i dont pay attention in my classes, but i get As... i'm a writer, i can just look at something and think of either a story idea or the beginning of a poem...

I don't know what else to write about me...

The emoticons bug me when used en masse.

Fare thee well...and don't trip falling of the bus.

Smile and the World Smiles With You

but not usually with me...like i can be walking on the sidewalk having a moderately awesome day and a car'll drive by and totally and throughly soak me...yish...i totally hate that and i'm pretty sure that i'm, like, the only person this happens to, but if you want to argue...

I was sad...my weird wrestler friend was gone today and when he was here yesterday i think he was maybe ignoring me...sad face. He's got a crush on me and has asked me out but when he did that we were really good friends and i didn't want to wreck that...i might say yes now because he's been ignoring me...

how messed up am i?

whatevs...leaving or sommat...

Whatever

I've got another blog called wherE chaoS reignS at www.freelancejouster.blogspot.com that i've had for a little while longer than this one.

I'm thuper exthited to join THIS website and though i may be mildly crazy, i'm sure you'll all totally love me...

Gawd, where do i start?

I'm head over heels in love with one of my bestest guy freinds, an emo hottie/committiphobe in the grade above me...and his friend in the grade above him...and that friend's girlfriend...

I doubt you needed to know that...

I'm blondish with light brownish/hazely eyes, some freckles, weird habit of wearing mostly black although about half the emo/gothic kids in the school hate me...my favote outfit is blue and white tank tops, a chain necklace and a polkadotted tie, black graphic hoodie, ink washed straight legged jeans, and black converse immitations...

My bestest gal pals are mostly all cheerleaders, though i'm not...my bestest guys are football players, wrestlers, and emo/gothic/punky kids.

I've got nothing better to do...so i'm here.